Ever get a craving for something crappy? For example, I don’t fully understand the appeal of tenderloin sandwiches - they’re pork pounded so flat the flavor is spatter on some wall, and it's fried so that whoever made it hopes no one notices - and yet every now and then I just have to order one from someplace. It doesn’t make sense, but maybe that’s part of the appeal.
This week is dedicated to that phenomenon. This week is devoted to the comics that don’t make you think, or challenge any of your beliefs. They’re the kind of comics you make a big bowl of buttery popcorn for, then remember that butter will damage the pages so you put the popcorn away, then read the comic and hope it’s so decadently bad that it makes you forget you could be eating buttery popcorn.
(CC Note: Sorry about this. Next week we’ll be sure he’s eaten before he writes, we promise.)
This week is dedicated to that phenomenon. This week is devoted to the comics that don’t make you think, or challenge any of your beliefs. They’re the kind of comics you make a big bowl of buttery popcorn for, then remember that butter will damage the pages so you put the popcorn away, then read the comic and hope it’s so decadently bad that it makes you forget you could be eating buttery popcorn.
(CC Note: Sorry about this. Next week we’ll be sure he’s eaten before he writes, we promise.)
Grindhouse - Bee Vixens from Mars 1 (di Campi/ Peterson): Grindhouse fiction, perfect example! No icky substance to get in the way of explosions, blood, and physical exploitation. At best, it promotes counting because you’ll be tempted to invent some drinking game for it.
There is a little town out in the middle of nowhere. Everyone knows everyone, and usually the only thing cops have to do is remind everyone to not be a jerk, that is until a Breaking Bad reject is found without heads. (Not a typo.) Officers Jimmy and Garcia share a six-pack of cheap beer and racial insults before investigating the scene when a vicious bee attack cuts Jimmy open in multiple vital parts of the body, leaving him barely able to drive himself home buzzed. He expects to find his wife and her girlfriend waiting for him, but instead finds a few honey stains and untimely death. Then things get weird.
There is a little town out in the middle of nowhere. Everyone knows everyone, and usually the only thing cops have to do is remind everyone to not be a jerk, that is until a Breaking Bad reject is found without heads. (Not a typo.) Officers Jimmy and Garcia share a six-pack of cheap beer and racial insults before investigating the scene when a vicious bee attack cuts Jimmy open in multiple vital parts of the body, leaving him barely able to drive himself home buzzed. He expects to find his wife and her girlfriend waiting for him, but instead finds a few honey stains and untimely death. Then things get weird.
This is not for children. It’s not as racy or targeted as, say, Sex Criminals, but it doesn’t leave a whole lot open to interpretation. There is gore, drugs, alcohol, vigilantism, and sex in this book, and occasionally they team up in single panels. That said, this isn’t mature, either. The mature thing would be to question a person’s expectations when blatantly neglecting his partner’s needs. Such things don’t come up. They don’t get a chance. No one involved is interested. And for what it is, it does that very well.
If you need a break from superheroes or anything high-concept, this is your break. Unless you’re allergic to honey products.
Robocop Last Stand 3/ 8 (Miller/ Grant & Oztekin): If there’s one franchise that’s determined to never die AND exploit any tool to attract viewership no matter how many other viewers it pushes away, it’s Robocop! Let’s see how the comic format is doing…
You want a summary? Watch Robocop 3. A few things are mixed up, but the changes are, at most, cosmetic. Right now we’re at the part where OCP is calling in its Asian partners to wipe out the less affluent parts of Detroit with their humanoid superweapon. They added another sociopathic cyberneticist with a huge rack of brain cells to try and get inside Robo’s head at the same time, because that worked so well in Robocop 2.
Frank Miller wrote Robocop 2 & 3. They’re not the best movies in the world, but they’re consistent with the source material, at least. Miller knows how to progress a Robocop story, but instead he’s rehashed two. He fell back on what had worked (to some extent) in the past. That leaves the art team to carry the book. The color palette’s dark in too many places and the linework is dicey, but there is a lot of fire, bullets fly everywhere, and every opportunity is taken to show of Dr. Fazz’s chest.
If you’ve successfully avoided the Robocop movies but want to know what you’re talking about when the new movie comes out in 2014, grab this book. That’s kind of a narrow margin of readers, but hey, we work with what we have.
Shadow Now 1 (Liss/ Worley): Wait wait, stop, please, Marvel NOW is NOT spreading to other publishers. This is about Lamont Cranston, having defied aging for the past few decades, fighting for a safer New York in the current era. Yes, it’s another reboot, but at least this is of a concept that dates back before most of us were born so, you know, let it go.
A city under seige. An information network crippled. A name stolen: Khan. Nope, it’s not the Star Trek/ Shadow crossover no one asked for, but it should sound a bit familiar. The big bad in the movie starring Alec Baldwin was Shiwan Khan, peer to Cranston in mental power and ferocity. In this book, he’s aged while Cranston has not, and has apparently given up his fight, leaving Cranston to struggle forever. A zen form of revenge, though not exactly “living well” either, and no matter how you look at it, Cranston seemingly has no stone left to turn over. Which sucks when his base of operations gets infiltrated and he gets shot.
This was supposed to be a noir-ish Punisher type of story. Guy in black melts out of shadows and kills hooligans, and an hour later retreats to a club full of classy femmes and cocktails, or in this day and age, co-eds and kegs. Instead, there’s domestic terrorism, teammates unable to trust one another, and an apparent immortal thinking very hard about whether or not he wants to pursue some creepy could-have-been-cest.
People, I went in hoping for fluff, but while I wasn’t paying attention somebody put something weird in there.
If you need a break from superheroes or anything high-concept, this is your break. Unless you’re allergic to honey products.
Robocop Last Stand 3/ 8 (Miller/ Grant & Oztekin): If there’s one franchise that’s determined to never die AND exploit any tool to attract viewership no matter how many other viewers it pushes away, it’s Robocop! Let’s see how the comic format is doing…
You want a summary? Watch Robocop 3. A few things are mixed up, but the changes are, at most, cosmetic. Right now we’re at the part where OCP is calling in its Asian partners to wipe out the less affluent parts of Detroit with their humanoid superweapon. They added another sociopathic cyberneticist with a huge rack of brain cells to try and get inside Robo’s head at the same time, because that worked so well in Robocop 2.
Frank Miller wrote Robocop 2 & 3. They’re not the best movies in the world, but they’re consistent with the source material, at least. Miller knows how to progress a Robocop story, but instead he’s rehashed two. He fell back on what had worked (to some extent) in the past. That leaves the art team to carry the book. The color palette’s dark in too many places and the linework is dicey, but there is a lot of fire, bullets fly everywhere, and every opportunity is taken to show of Dr. Fazz’s chest.
If you’ve successfully avoided the Robocop movies but want to know what you’re talking about when the new movie comes out in 2014, grab this book. That’s kind of a narrow margin of readers, but hey, we work with what we have.
Shadow Now 1 (Liss/ Worley): Wait wait, stop, please, Marvel NOW is NOT spreading to other publishers. This is about Lamont Cranston, having defied aging for the past few decades, fighting for a safer New York in the current era. Yes, it’s another reboot, but at least this is of a concept that dates back before most of us were born so, you know, let it go.
A city under seige. An information network crippled. A name stolen: Khan. Nope, it’s not the Star Trek/ Shadow crossover no one asked for, but it should sound a bit familiar. The big bad in the movie starring Alec Baldwin was Shiwan Khan, peer to Cranston in mental power and ferocity. In this book, he’s aged while Cranston has not, and has apparently given up his fight, leaving Cranston to struggle forever. A zen form of revenge, though not exactly “living well” either, and no matter how you look at it, Cranston seemingly has no stone left to turn over. Which sucks when his base of operations gets infiltrated and he gets shot.
This was supposed to be a noir-ish Punisher type of story. Guy in black melts out of shadows and kills hooligans, and an hour later retreats to a club full of classy femmes and cocktails, or in this day and age, co-eds and kegs. Instead, there’s domestic terrorism, teammates unable to trust one another, and an apparent immortal thinking very hard about whether or not he wants to pursue some creepy could-have-been-cest.
People, I went in hoping for fluff, but while I wasn’t paying attention somebody put something weird in there.
Fantomex Max 1 (Hope/ Crystal): What’s just as guilty a pleasure as watching sexually-charged aliens eat condiments? Not much, but a superpowered thief that romances his pursuers and donates to worthwhile charities is pretty good too.
Fantomex has a lot going for him. He’s in peak physical condition, he has a sentient ship that’s in lust with him, and he can make millions of dollars in his sleep. He keeps himself busy and supplements his income by stealing ridiculously valuable things from naughty organizations. Still, he steals, so Special Agent Rhona Flemyng (again, not a typo) is determined to bring him in, as her oath to law enforcement demands. Fantomex just loves that about her, and so does Grover Lane, director of a special task force assigned to bring Fantomex to justice. Or are they?????
Fantomex has a lot going for him. He’s in peak physical condition, he has a sentient ship that’s in lust with him, and he can make millions of dollars in his sleep. He keeps himself busy and supplements his income by stealing ridiculously valuable things from naughty organizations. Still, he steals, so Special Agent Rhona Flemyng (again, not a typo) is determined to bring him in, as her oath to law enforcement demands. Fantomex just loves that about her, and so does Grover Lane, director of a special task force assigned to bring Fantomex to justice. Or are they?????
This is trying to evoke a lot of themes from the classic Bond movies - tricky gadgets, exotic weapons, scantily-clad ladies - which is all well and good, but it’s not clear which character is supposed to be Bond. Seems as though they split the role up among a couple of characters. The AI on the space shift never lets an opportunity for fan service or a double entendre go by, and the artist is careful to follow through on the fan-service aspect of things.
Fantomex Max doesn’t worry about continuity or character development. It worries only about how long it’s been since you, the reader, have seen cleavage or a bad pun. And it wants to make sure it hasn’t been long at all. This is fun reading.
This update is late enough as it is, but before I go I need to remind you about the CBLDF Liberty Annual 2013 edition. Comics’ best creators come together once a year to promote the main organization that fights for your rights to read and buy whatever you want in stores like ours. It’s a great-looking book, and if you find the $5 cover price too high, just leave a little something in the CBLDF jar we have by the register. We really can’t support this organization enough.
Fantomex Max doesn’t worry about continuity or character development. It worries only about how long it’s been since you, the reader, have seen cleavage or a bad pun. And it wants to make sure it hasn’t been long at all. This is fun reading.
This update is late enough as it is, but before I go I need to remind you about the CBLDF Liberty Annual 2013 edition. Comics’ best creators come together once a year to promote the main organization that fights for your rights to read and buy whatever you want in stores like ours. It’s a great-looking book, and if you find the $5 cover price too high, just leave a little something in the CBLDF jar we have by the register. We really can’t support this organization enough.
See you next week!
Looking for older Variant Coverage Blogs by Ryan Walsh for Comic Carnival? They're here: Variant Coverage Blog Back Issues
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